So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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