3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
