i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
