I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Randomize
