Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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