i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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