Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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