The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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