I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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