Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i would punch a child for taco bell
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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