I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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