Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card

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(417): View more from Missouri

I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

That's because you are an idiot.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?

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(360): View more from Washington

No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.

(1-360): View more from Washington

You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering

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