You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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