Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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