the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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