whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
