She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
