I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
