i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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