Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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