Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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