just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
