i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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