Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
