I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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