You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
