no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
