I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
