So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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