i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
