im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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