I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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