i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
