i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
