Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
