i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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