Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
