Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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