Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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