it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize