just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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