just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
