Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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