so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
