so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
