I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
