hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
being pregnant is like rehab
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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