You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We named our party play list daddy issues
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
