Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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