I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
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Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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