I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
