Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
