jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he had hair everywhere except his balls
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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