Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it was like eating out sand paper
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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