forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
