i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
