I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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