I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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