I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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