I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want nice things and good sex
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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