is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
