2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
