Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
