She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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