You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
