That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
